It's been a while now, but I just wasn't sure how to write about our experience. I feel like I can write about it now from a better place emotionally. So here it goes....at the end of December we were pleasantly surprised with the news of a new little one on the way! Couldn't wait to see Gem be a big sister, told our close friends and family who were also so excited. Went to the dr. it was to early for a heartbeat but I was due September 14th, a perfect day. My parents flew in for Gem's birthday that weekend and that day before they arrived I started bleeding. I texted a girls group that I wasn't well and couldn't make our brunch date when one of them called to make sure I was ok and I lost it on the phone. She immediately came to get me and take me to the emergency clinic while another friend came to get Gem (Darin unfortunately wasn't in town). From one place to another, I heard a heartbeat and felt a huge relief, it was the best sound ever, YOU were safe. I was put on bed rest for a week until my next appointment. My parents arrived and were so happy to spend their whole vacation helping me with Gem, cooking and cleaning. Darin arrived the next day, he couldn't get home fast enough the day before. At some point in the week I had a miscarriage, I had no pain, not a lot of bleeding, no fever, nothing....so going back to our week appointment, we were really hopeful that YOU were still in there safe. You only know the feeling if you've been through it, when the dr has the ultrasound on your belly and can't find the heartbeat.....floods and I mean floods of tears just come over you as your heart breaks into a trillion little pieces, you sit and try to listen to the dr, but you just can't pay attention anymore, it's a feeling I wish on no family. My parents were there when we got back to give us good long hugs that we needed so desperately. Gem just went about her day, laughing, playing, asking us to play in the pool and with her toys, a part of me is so thankful she was too young to know what happened because i'm not sure how I would of got through that with out her bubble of happiness. She reminded us that every life is precious no matter how young and there is still a life to live with her and we can try again to give her that little sibling she deserves.
Mommy, Daddy and your big sister Gemma love you so so much, you were a gift from above and we'll never forget your 6 precious weeks of time with us. All in Gods hands, something just wasn't right....it's true when they say that a miscarriage is a little baby to good for this earth, God has plans for you with him and that's ok. See you one-day little angel of ours xoxo.
