ParTy oF 3

Well....Gemma is a month old already and finding the time to post has had it's challenges. I've started it and added to it several times but just can't find a solid hour or 2 to write, forgive me...I have a child now :)

Over the last month i've changed dozens of poopie diapers, taken over 500 pictures of this little human, attempted breast feeding which is still a challenge to this day, been on 2 flights with a newborn (which she did fantastic on both), was a single parent for a week because Darin had to get back to work in Barbados, been to several Drs appointments, a few lunch dates and of course Target was her first public outing :) This girl has been all over the place in just a month and has seen so many happy visitors too. It was a crazy, fast month but the best month ever!

It's unreal to think that in just a day everything in your life changes...it's not gradual and nobody's advice can really prepare you for what you'll actually go through. My whole pregnancy I was so excited to be a mom, I waited for that moment...when I felt I was a mom...maybe when I felt her kick for the first time or when she had her first hiccups and I could feel those or maybe when I had to wear maternity clothes but that moment didn't come for me and I started to worry if I could do this and when will I get that feeling I wanted so bad. I don't know how to change a diaper, I don't like crying babies, I don't like holding babies because they're so squirmy I might drop them.....what was I gonna do when I actually had my own? Be afraid of it? No need to be afraid (I promise), you'll just have to wait and see that when that day actually comes and you have your little baby physically in your arms you just know what to do like you've been doing it for years, it's pretty crazy. I surprised myself when I didn't even think about how to change a diaper, I just did it....holding her wasn't awkward like I thought it might be and amazingly I somehow knew how to soothe her when she cried. The few short weeks after that day flew by, our nights were great and she continues to be such a good sleeper, i've stared at her so long i've gone cross eyed and somehow the "mom" in me started to surface and all of a sudden, without knowing when it happened.....I felt like a mom, I am Gemma's mom. Although it's still so weird to me when I think about it, that Darin and I have a daughter....it feels as natural as anything else in life. January 24th forever changed my life, I couldn't imagine my future without her, I want to be a better person and role model for her to look up to and hopefully one day i'll get something from her, like a card on Mother's Day, a note on a napkin, or a post on her blog saying i'm the best mom in the whole world and she couldn't imagine her life without me either.

The little things I love are her tiny features, the noise her pacifier makes when she goes to town noming on it, her gassy smiles and the way she stares back at me with those pure innocent eyes when she's nursing or has a bottle. Here's some pieces of our Gem....

Here is the progression pics I took....I was a day shy of my 38 week picture....darn it!! lol

I owe so much to my parents for everything they did for us while we were in Orlando. I couldn't of had a more relaxed and un stressed last month of pregnancy....they helped me do a lot those last weeks and those home cooked dinners were amazing, I am so glad I had time to spend with them before and after Gemma. Leaving Orlando with Gemma was harder than when I left for the Bahamas 3 1/2 years ago. I can't wait to come back and for them to see their first grandchild change and grow. Thanks to my amazing parents....you are the best ones in the whole wide world, God couldn't of chosen better ones for me :) and I can't imagine my life with out them.